We’ve all been led to believe that disputes over money is the number one cause of divorce. But, is it really? And, are the causes of divorce different, at least to some degree, in each state.
Well, let’s take a look and see. Right now, disputes over money is not the leading cause of divorce in the state of New Hampshire. However, there is reason to believe that where each causation is indexed is different from state-to-state.
Well, what are the top reasons for divorce in New Hampshire? Let’s take a look:
#10 Physical Attraction
Many suggest that physical attraction between marital partners can predict long-term marital satisfaction. It has been identified in recent studies that men reported feeling happy in their marriage if they perceived their wives as being attractive, with their satisfaction increasing over time. Women reported feeling about the same over time, without their satisfaction increasing or decreasing. So, for many, should physical attraction wane, so too could the desire to remain married. The moral of the story may be that in letting yourself go physically may be a reflection of you also letting your marital relationship go too.
#9 Parenting Style Differences
Parenting is certainly the most challenging aspects of any marriage. Once children come into the picture, parental priorities, lifestyles, and certainly finances change. These changes can be very impactful to a marital relationship. Add to this, a dramatic difference in parenting styles between parents. For example, where once parent wants to run the house like a military boot camp and the other parent wants to pick and choose their battles. Put simply, not being on the same parenting style page may be enough to doom a marriage. However, with some mutual respect, and concessions, couples can attempt to work out these differences.
#8 Financial Issues
Money issues, and marital money management, can bear real weight on any marital relationship and that is why it has almost always been a top factor in divorces. And, although money is not the source of happiness, the lack of financial stability can be a catalyst for disagreement.
However, financial issues come in many varieties. There are those spouses that simply don’t want to financially contribute to a relationship. There are those that have difficulty controlling their spending. There are those that lie about their spending or hide money issues from their partner. And, there are those that have to be in complete control and no one can spend a dime without checking with them first. Clearly, any of these scenarios could cause concern in a relationship. Start by having a money management and spending system where both are involved to limit friction.
#7 Drifted Apart
Although this is more common in longer term marriages, couples often simply drift apart. When the two of you started out you may have had a lot in common. However, twenty years later that may have changed. Often, couples in this situation are not fighting but instead are simply living different lives and are ready to conclude the marital relationship.
#6 Overwhelmed By Individual Roles
Marital roles and expectations have changed through the years. Households now often require two incomes to financially survive. And, even though the work roles outside the household may be equal, the roles within the house often fall to one spouse. Duties such as cooking, cleaning, managing finances, and caring for children, put a strain on a relationship if left to one spouse. Couples need to communicate about how to attack roles inside the house so that everyone is pulling their own weight.
“Abuse”, used in this context, relates to many different forms: physical; emotional; verbal, and; substance abuse. Very few people can withstand a marital relationship that involves abusive behavior. Abuse will challenge the very foundation of any marriage. Staying in an abusive relationship is neither healthy nor safe. Counseling can often help in such situations, but getting a spouse to make the decision to seek help may be difficult.
#4 Not Having Shared Goals
In some cases, couples realize that life’s goals are not running parallel to each other and that there is not enough in common between the two to keep them together. For example, one spouse wants to stay near their children, and care for their grandchildren. And, the other spouse may want to travel the world. Unless one spouse is ready to change their ultimate goals, the relationship may be doomed.
#3 Not Prepared For Marriage
Of course the idea of marriage can be alluring. Finding your soulmate, and settling down with your best friend, forever sound great. However, not everyone is really ready for marriage. All too often couples get married too early or for the wrong reasons such as: convenience; lack of options, of; for financial ease. However, if your initial motivation to get married was anything less than complete love and devotion, you are likely doomed to fail. Put simply, marriage requires far too much consideration of others. And, without complete devotion to this premise, you are simple not prepared for the long haul required to sustain a marriage.
#2 Internet – Lack Of Intimacy
Okay, I have lumped these two together as I find that they are intertwined in many ways. At some point, in virtually all marriages there is a subtle change in the intimacy department. It may be due to a myriad of initially innocent reasons. It could be stress related to work, individual health considerations, or age related. Then, when this happens, there's the idea that your spouse is no longer sexually attracted to you – or interested in having sex.
However, often even a subtle change can trigger a downward spiral in the intimacy department. Men generally need sexual receptivity to feel romantic and women generally need romance to be sexual receptive. And, as long as both people are getting what they need, they willingly provide what the other person wants.
However, when everything does not align properly, that can trigger a pulling back in the other. If gone unnoticed and unchecked, before the couple realizes, they are seriously intimately estranged and wonder what happened.
This situation can lead to a spouse searching the internet for sexual release and/or relationships. Surprisingly, we live in a time where you can jump on the internet and find someone somewhere who will sex chat with you at any time of the day. Such emotional and sexual online relationships may appear to be benign, but may lead to the demise of the marital relationship.
#1 Lack Of Communication
Communication is one of the most important ingredients when it comes to a successful marriage. Proper communication keeps both partners in-line with how to attack common issues and reach relationship and life goals. This is the area of a relationship that is all too often neglected. After a short period of time couples may simply go on autopilot and begin living their own life within a marital relationship. This leads to couples having parenting style differences, being overwhelmed by individual roles, not having shared goals, or simply drifting apart.
The good news is, you can always try to start a healthy communicative marital relationship. Start by putting down your cell phones and focusing on one another. Take walks, or bike rides, together. Go on a no-cell-phone date once a week. Make an effort to connect regularly and you can start building a stronger marital relationship.
If you find yourself facing Divorce in New Hampshire, please reach out to an Attorney who focuses their practice in the area of Divorce & Family Law.
To contact a New Hampshire Divorce & Family Law Attorney, please CLICK HERE or Call (603) 225-1114.
Jeffrey A. Runge, Esquire
Family Legal Services, P.C.
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Direct Telephone: (603) 225-1135