Dear Jeff: For quite some time now, I had been thinking that I wanted a divorce from my husband. We have been married for 14 years, and have two children together. For over a year the marriage has felt very strained. We are both very busy and no longer talk much. We seemed to be living separate lives. As a result, I am feeling very stressed, and often depressed, and don’t know what to do. We don’t really fight. But, we are living like roommates. So, do I tell him how I’m feeling? Or, do I file for divorce?
— Please Help
Dear Please Help: This is a difficult situation that many couples find themselves in over time. Life, work, and raising children, take so much effort that often as a couple we divide and conquer the daily tasks. But, over time, we stop communicating and begin to have separate lives. As your relationship does not sound combative, I absolutely think your first step should be to discuss your feelings with your husband. However, you have to pick the right time and setting. I would suggest a situation where you are alone, without the children, and there are no cell phones to distract either of you. Perhaps a situation where he is driving, with you in the car. Or, if possible, a “date night” out.
The initial communication process must be for you to initiate the conversation, and express your feelings – but then listen to his feeling as well. He may be having the same thoughts as you, and may want to work on fixing the marital problems. If that’s the case, there may be potential for working on your marriage.
However, if you find the opposite, that he doesn’t care about the state of the marriage, or your feelings, or that the two of you have grown apart, then you may be taking the next step towards divorce.
I hope this gets you moving in the right direction.
Jeff Runge, is a practicing New Hampshire Divorce & Family Law Attorney. He is the Managing Partner at Family Legal Services, P.C., and the Director of the Divorce & Family Law Practice Group If you have questions for Jeff, please email them to Jrunge@familylegalservices.org. All inquiries are confidential.
Jeffrey A. Runge, Esquire
Family Legal Services, P.C.
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